Separated & sharing with Ronald Pino: ‘The one that is bothered with it, should solve it.’

applying rules in a relationship have a huge managerial benefit

applying rules in a relationship have a huge managerial benefit

I have known Ronald Pino from the neighbourhood. An Indonesian man always dressed in style with an impressive posture: straight back, shoulders backwards and chin up. I often met him and his wife Riet in the local shopping mall or while travelling with public transport. Like we did in the end of the summer of 2014. This time we were both waiting in Amsterdam Zuid for our bus.

Again this was an unforgettable conversation too. He shared his view on relationships. For example how wonderful it is to do something on your own at the same time, so you have something new to tell each other when you’re together again. Like the time he went to see a movie and his wife went to see a play and they had an amazing evening telling each other about their own experience afterwards. He also taught us that applying rules in a relationship have a huge managerial benefit. One rule we took home was: ‘ The one that is bothered with it, should solve it.’ Applying such a rule would not create an instant yihaa-sensation when it comes to space travelling clutter in your living room or dishes to be done, but it is a rule that fits the category: Directing your own life. It was a very spirited conversation.

He fell silent when I asked him about his grandchildren. Riet responded in a way peculiar to people of Asian descent: with her eyes. My attempt to quickly change the subject was surprisingly tackled with his open-heartedness. ‘I have a son and I have grandchildren, Unfortunately I am not allowed to see them. I would like to share my side of the story to my son …’

I explained my series Separated & Sharing and offered him to express his story. Even if it was just to offer support and provide insight to people who are going through or have been going through something similar.

Somehow we couldn’t manage to match our busy schedules. However the correspondence remained, in which I could sense his desire to tell his story. Moments like these he used to get more acquainted. As an expert on psychology he also wrote books. Just by seeing his face some people would recognize a Dutch celebrity. ‘In 1980 I have performed as ‘The TV-psychologist’ for a while, but the atmosphere in Tv-land was not to my taste and after a year I took a dive back into the blessing peace of unfamiliarity. 🙂
He loved to share his view on his divorce and his son and his late daughter, from a professional point of view and as a father who had a wish to understand.

Recently I wanted to let him know that there was time for his desired interview. But every time I received a mail error. Also his telephone number was out of order. Assuming he switched providers I decided to write him a postcard. Once I had written his name and address on the envelope, that one thought I didn’t want to have crossed my mind.

Exactly six months later, I learned through the internet, that this – to us – sweet, well-mannered, funny, intelligent and eloquent man had passed away on December 25, 2014.

Rest in peace dear Ronald Pino

Liberation (in Dutch)


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