‘A child has two parents and one childhood.’
I tell this to every couple that comes to me for relationship coaching, mediation or a mutual request for divorce.
Separating with care and continuing considerate parenting, is only possible once emotions have had the space to express themselves. Only thereafter they can settle agreements, to formulate them in legal wording in a divorce settlement and a parenting plan.
A child doesn’t file for divorce. Partners separate because their relationship doesn’t provide the space anymore for mutual and individual happiness. The relationship between them has come to an end. But parenting is not just a relationship between to people; it is a relationship of two parents towards their child.
Every time I draw this for the parents: the sanctuary between two parents, to which each child is entitled to, where it feels safe, secure and understood. The child that belongs to both of them, their child.
Unfortunately still to many children witness their parents being selfish and concerned about their own discontent about their relationship. Parents are not always aware of the effect it has on their children at that moment, let alone at a later age.
That’s why there is space provided for emotions first. Spit it out, get it out of your system, so that you as a parent can have a clear view on the situation, become aware of the damage and restore and adjust what is necessary. Not providing space for emotions hinders both parents to walk the same pace towards the continuation of good parenting.
Good parenting requires a mature partnership, to which each child is entitled to, even when the parents are divorced.
About Su Changoe
Su Changoe is the owner of Tara Mediation. Tara Mediation guides couple who are considering a divorce or separation, couples who have decided to divorce and already divorced individual. For these individuals Tara Mediation provides the workshop ‘Claim your spot! – from partner to single’. More information www.taramediation.com
For more information about Tara Mediation, interview requests or images you can contact Su Changoe by phone: +31 (0)6 8100 6515 or e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org Also visit the website: www.taramediation.com